Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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