I'm drive I can fine osifer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
