I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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