I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
