I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
