I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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