Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
