I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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