Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
