dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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