end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
