Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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