Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
