I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
