Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
