Duck Duck Cougar?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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