all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
