Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
