took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
