I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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