you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
