I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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