This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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