Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
