Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
