I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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