I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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