Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
