i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
