White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
