i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
