Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
