my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
