That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
