I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize