Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
