She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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