I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
