he wants to bone in the snuggie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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