Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize