It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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