Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
