I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
