Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
