we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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