Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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