she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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