Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
