I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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