Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
