I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
