im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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