I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
