I could make wine with my vomit
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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