don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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