nut hugger
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
