Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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