your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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