i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
