Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
