If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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