I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Michael Bay diarrhea
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
