i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
