So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
