Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize