No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
