me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
