brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
