Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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