I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
