You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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