5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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