Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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