Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
