the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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