I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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