It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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