A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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