How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize