Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone says I win the strip club
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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