I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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