if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
