evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
