smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
