I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
