You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
