May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
